Toxicity --

There are some combinations of scriptures and correlated LDS materials that are unpredictably toxic for me, like mixing ammonia and chlorine bleach. Unfortunately I happened to hit one this morning.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john%206:25-40&version=NIV

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=3ce8b00367c45110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=198bf4b13819d110VgnVCM1000003a94610aRCRD

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=59f8b00367c45110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=198bf4b13819d110VgnVCM1000003a94610aRCRD


This is I believe the key sequence of verses in the John passage:

Then they asked him, "What must we do to do the works God requires?" Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent." . . . Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. . . . . For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day."

This whole section in John should fill anyone who has come to faith in Christ with an exuberant hope. The law is dead, along with the hundreds of commandments required to be reconciled to God. What remains is faith in Christ and throwing ourselves on his mercy for salvation. Not just eternal life at the end of our earth lives, but some measure of relief from our burdens in this life as well, as we come to Christ and seek to lay our cares at his feet, as we trade our imperfections for his perfection and our brokenness for his grace.

Then I had to go and read two sections in the Joseph Smith lesson manual back to back. Big mistake.

The first is a paean to Joseph Smith. This statement naturally caught my attention:
“[The Prophet was] incomparably the most God-like man I ever saw. … I know that by nature he was incapable of lying and deceitfulness, possessing the greatest kindness and nobility of character.”

Of course we know that the entire “restoration” was steeped in deceit about polygamy and many other things such as the reprisals the Saints executed in Far West, the existence of the Council of Fifty, and other things too numerous to mention.

The second was a paean to the entire “restoration” that brought back so many memories of what I used to believe about the LDS church.

For about six years my mother was the smartest person I knew, and the one I relied on for guidance. I thought she was perfect. I wondered how I could ever live my life without her wisdom and guiding hand. That feeling passed in my teenage years. She died in 2002, and I went through those horrible experiences in nursing homes, and finally in an ICU with her head shaved and without her being able to recognize me or anyone else.

I went through that experience once.

By contrast I loved the vision of the LDS church I had for over twenty years, during the formative days of young adulthood. I likewise thought it was perfect and wondered how I could ever live without it. That feeling passed when I used google to refresh my memory on the temple recommend questions and began to learn the truth that had been kept from me for so long. My grief from the death of my innocence about the LDS church was much worse than my grief over my mother. She was old, and it was time to go. By contrast the LDS church was almost my second bride. At times maybe my first, as I knew it would never fail me or desert me. I never cried over my mother. I cried repeatedly over the LDS church.

And often when I read things out of the correlated lessons or the Ensign, that grief comes back. Those visions of a shining city on a hill, those memories of those people dressed in white in the temple that I knew would look just like that in the Celestial Kingdom. It all comes back. Over and over again.

Today was a two Starbucks morning. I needed that much of a caffeine jolt to snap out of the pit of depression I was thrown into.

That, and the lyrics to the following songs from the “Glory Revealed II” album. They were a reminder to me that the true gospel turns us toward Christ and His Father and not towards fallible men and their equally fallible institutions. Placing our faith in Joseph Smith and the deceptions we are told about him now will always cause the world to come crashing down at our feet at some point or another. Only by placing our complete trust in Christ can we have any hope of real peace in this life or in the world to come.


Praise the Lord
============
Praise the Lord, oh my soul
I will praise the Lord as long as I live
I will sing praises to my God
Even with my dying breath

He is the One who made Heaven and Earth
The sea and everything in it
He is the One who keeps every promise forever
He gives justice to the oppressed
And sets the prisoner free

He is the One who feeds the hungry
And opens the eyes of the blind
He lifts up the burdens of those beneath heavy loads
The stranger, He protects

And the righteous one He loves
The Lord will reign forever
Our God is King to all generations
The Lord will reign forever Our God

We will praise the Lord, oh my soul
We will praise the Lord as long as we live
We will sing praises to our God
Even with our dying breath

And this one:

To You Be The Glory
================
Who could hold the wealth of god?
Such treasure found in him
Who could comprehend his heart and mind?
His wisdom has no end
For from him, through him, to him are all things
From him, through him, to him are all things

Chorus:
To you be the glory, forever
To you be the glory, lord, amen
To you be the glory, forever
To you be the glory, lord, amen

Verse 2:
Who has known the mind of god?
Who has counseled him?
Who has given gifts to god
That he might be repaid?
For from him, through him, to him are all things
From him, through him, to him are all things

Chorus:
To you be the glory, forever
To you be the glory, lord, amen
To you be the glory, forever
To you be the glory, lord, amen

Bridge:
In dark and light, in death and life
When hard times enter in
In all things we will worship you
With you there is no end

Chorus:
To you be the glory, forever
To you be the glory, lord, amen
To you be the glory, forever
To you be the glory, lord, amen
For from him, through him, to him are all things
From him, through him, to him are all things